Fast forward several weeks when it is confirmed that yes, wer were pregnant. We told J that there was definitely a baby in my belly and he was unphased, just saying something like, "I already know that Mommy, thats my sister in your belly."
And as Christmas toy catalogs start rolling in, he picks out gifts for himself then also circles pink kitchens and doll babys for "my baby sister".
I mean really...how could you not at least buy into the innocent desires/premonition of a 3 year old? He had me convinced.
So last Monday, December 19, my hopes & dreams were crushed when the ultrasound tech confirmed that yes, indeed, we were expecting our third baby boy. I was devastated. I had let myself put my hopes in what my THREE YEAR OLD predicted. Really, Missy?
It took me several hours to process and even still, I made Ben call our of our family to share the news because I could hardly speak without losing it. My first stop after leaving the OB was over to Julie's....she was home with her 4 day old baby boy and I knew the minute I got my hands on that sweetie pea, I would realize what a wonderful gift I had been given, boy or girl, and I ached for that perspective. You know you have a dear friend when you can knock on her door, unannounced, bawling your eyes and cry on her shoulder and know she understands your pain, although she doesn't feel it herself. After talking to her for a while and snuggling baby Liam, I felt 100% better and definitely needed the reminder from her that God's plan is perfect, and if I am not intended to have any daughters, that is good and true and its okay for me to be disappointed and saddened. I just have to accept that God has created 3 precious boys for me to grow, nurture, love, raise and lead.
And despite the disappointment and momentary sadness, we are thrilled!
Now with that being said....I met a lady today who had a 5 year old daughter, twin sons and was expecting #4. Turns our her first ultrasound for her daughter looked like it was a boy b/c the umbilical cord was positioned between the baby's legs and looked like a boy part. At their follow-up scan several weeks later, they discovered that "he" was actually a "she". So this little glimmer of hope has me cautiously hopeful. I realize is highly unlikely that my ultrasound was a case of mistaken identity but I am going to ask them to triple check on Dec 18 when I go for my 20 week scan. I mean, wouldn't that make for the absolute best Christmas gift EVER??!!?
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1 comment:
Trust me, I know EXACTLY how you feel. It does get better, especially when you get to hold that sweet baby in a couple of months! I even remember thinking the ultrasound COULD have been wrong...and knowing deep down that it wasn't (and rarely is for boys). I told Sally I still struggle with it. I think as children we play with baby dolls and are conditioned to believe that we will one day have daughters. I have had names picked out for my little girls (yes, I wanted more than one girl) for years! I still wonder why God would give me such a strong desire to raise a girl and then not give me one. But I know that His timing and plan are perfect and one day we will understand why he has picked us to raise all these boys!! Hang in there...
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